Changing behavior

Campus feels very different today.  There is an increased emptiness now that people are wrapping up their final exams and either heading home or taking a short break from work.  The hallways have a dark echoing feeling with so many shut doors.  The pathways thru campus are sparsely scattered with students behaving in a "schools out for summer" manner.  Walking about without determination or apparent destination, loitering in parking lots, in front of school buildings and cafes.  Some choice conversation snippets I overheard included "Just how wasted was I last night?" and "Hey, there she is! How's it going slut?"  It really is amazing to me that these students are intelligent enough to compete at the university level.  Perhaps it's just the natural end of school year release, some of us get really drunk and behave like heathens, and some of us spend three hour scrubbing our stove top until in sparkles.  Everyone just needs a bit of change and a way to release the tension.

other College activities

So, I spent a few minutes this morning filling out a departmental scholarship form.  There was a spot on the form for College activities, clubs, offices held, honors, awards, etc.  I had nothing to put.  I work 10-12 hours a day, most days of the week.  If I find free time I try to spend it cleaning house, doing laundry, or sleeping, not on any extracurricular activities.  And I know that is also true of all the other grad-students in my lab.  As far as honor and awards go, that was why I was applying for the scholarships.  I have to start building the CV if I want to get any where in this academic life.  

So, I finally stretched a bit and listed a few activities from my undergraduate career just so I didn't leave the section blank, but that was 4 years ago, and even then I spend most of my time working and doing research.  I always assumed my lack of a social life and dedication to my work would be an advantage in the professional/academic world.  Now I have to wonder if I'm wrong.  Are great there professional benefits to extracurricular activities?

Degrading social skills

I was blown away by an old friends accusation that I was both angry and annoyed with them. I have apparently forgotten to return phone calls and looked annoyed at their presence at a recent coffee meeting with another friend. I really hadn't realized that I was projecting these feelings towards them and it has got me thinking again about the effect of being totally immersed in the graduate student life.

Could living and working as a graduate student be degrading my social skills?

I've commented before on the strangeness of this life. The loneliness, stress, and change in thinking that you feel as a graduate student. In my life I have met a few people who are considered "over-educated." People who have pursued their education to the point that they seem incapable normal social relationships and are unable to find regular employment.

So, my question is: Are these "over-educated" "unemployable" people this way because they continued their student life beyond what is considered a normal length of time? Or do those people pursue further education because of some pre-existing social inadequacy or awkwardness?

eau de Autoclave

It's funny how vividly smells trigger memories.  I used an autoclave to sterilize rooting mix yesterday and that distinctive autoclave odor sent me down memory lane.  It's difficult to describe, a slightly sweet but earthy smell.  With one sniff memories of my undergraduate job in a fruit fly lab came flooding back.  Liquifying fruit-fly medium, scrubbing out tiny vials, sterilizing and refilling the vials with fresh medium.  The things you do for an honest buck when you are a student.  But I must say that it got me thinking about jobs where you don't think, you just do.  You shut off your brain and work.  You don't even have to decide what you need to do or how to do it, you are just told.  Sometimes I miss the simplicity of those kind of tasks.

One hurdle down,

-50 bazillion to go!

No, really it does actually feel good to finish up classwork for the term.  Getting much closer to rest, beer, and sleep.  Now that my tests are done I just have to:

1. finish a final draft of my thesis proposal

2. prepare a presentation on my research to give to working professionals

3. prepare a presentation for my first committee meeting

4. Clean the house up before the cat-sitter realizes what a pig I am 

And then I am free for spring break!  Vancouver here I come.

So I over estimated with my count of 50-bazillion things to do, but come-on it does sorta feel that way when all I really want is a pint of beer and a nap.

An excess of hand gestures

- makes you look insane.
It's bizarre. I feel myself doing it and tell myself to stop, but I continue to flail my arms about and gesture in nonsensical ways, hoping to get my point across. The harder I try to communicate to the audience the more blank looks I get. That glazed over expression is so distressing. I feel for my professors, we students cut them no slack. I can see why they like to turn the tables on us and require oral presentations.
Boy, teaching labs next year is really going to be fun (was that dripping with enough sarcasm?)

Maintaining balance

Students at every level struggle with balance.  Perhaps an even wiser statement would be all humans struggle with balance.  But for students it is always balancing school with other things in you life, family, friends, hobbies, work, sports.  It's nearly impossible to get it right all the time, and naturally other aspects of your life always pull on you the hardest when all of your attention needs to be focused on school.  I wish I could say that I have figured out a way to deal with it, but I probably use one of the worst tactics.  I tend to ignore phone calls and skip fun activities as deadlines approach.  I'd like to send out this note just before the end of term hits: 

"Dear family, friends, and loved ones,

For the next two weeks please refrain from any dramatic altercations, mental breakdowns, life altering revelations, time consuming favors, tragic accidents, and life changing decisions that need my in-put.  Thank you for your cooperation in this matter, communications will now cease until after my last final."

But I have a feeling it wouldn't go over too well.

College Gourmet

Deluxe micro-ramen recipe:

Put 1/2 cup frozen veggies (I like stir fry mix) in bowl.  

Add dry ramen noodles and fill bowl with nearly boiling water.  

Soak noodles until slightly softened (about 1 min.)

Microwave until noodles are soft but still opaque (taste better than over cooked translucent noodles IMHO) cooking time is approximately 2 mins on high.

Pour extremely hot water out of bowl and re-fill will cooler water.

Stir-in flavor packet and enjoy!

Loneliness

Since returning to school I've noticed something unexpected about life as a graduate student, it's very lonely.  I know it sounds odd.  I share an office with four other students, I go to classes with dozens of others, I have two professors I work with, there are research assistants, post doc's, undergraduate workers, but yet the fact remains I still somehow frequently feel alone.  Being social by nature I find it difficult sometimes.  Everyone is working so hard on there own projects you don't have some one to bounce new ideas off, share jokes, reflect on experiences.  Don't get me wrong, I love being here, being part of this fantastic group of scientists, but I feel like I've sacrificed something too.  The job I left for school was wonderful in that way, I had these really strong bonds with my co-works that were different than usual friendships.  Not really better, because they never really last after you leave the job, but still very strong friendships in their own way.

Now I find myself seeking out old friendships with people I've grown away from, trying to find a connection to help combat the loneliness, but it's difficult.  I get so wrapped up in school work and research that I'm unable to properly cultivate a friendship with people outside my immediate group of office-mates, mentors, and colleagues.  In a way I feel like the more I advance in science and knowledge the more I regress in social capacity.  Perhaps there is something to the stereotype of the socially inept out of touch scientist, but I really hope not.

Stress is in the air

Well, they started again last night.  Those damn stress dreams!  You know the ones, everyone has had them at one point in their college experience.  You overslept on the day of your final, you keep trying to get to the exam and one obstacle after another presents itself.  Or the old classic, it's the last day of the term and you find out that you were registered for a class that you forgot about and you are now going to fail because you haven't been attending, and it's too late to drop it from your transcript.  

I think the stress of all the students and professors must combine to form a giant stress cloud over the university and stress storms begin to hit people at random all over campus.  No one is immune, I been told by professors who have been teaching for a quarter century that they still have those dreams about missing exams and forgetting class.  A friend described the condition as being like post-traumatic-stress disorder, once your body has gone past it's limit of stress your mind plays out irrational scenarios  on it's own.  I really don't know anything about PTSD but I'd believe that attempting to function in this high stress environment for long periods would begin to effect your health.  

In fact, all this stress has helped me discover my end of term mantra; "Just two more weeks, just two more weeks."

Under Pressure

Oh, how quickly the end of term is upon us.  All those promises you made to yourself about not putting your term papers and class projects off to the last minute haunt you with irony.  As graduate students weren't we supposed to put procrastination behind us?  But rather than part of the minority, I find myself in good company; overworked, over-stressed, short-tempered, and sleep-deprived company.  And yes, I should be writing a term paper right now, and instead I'm typing this blog.  At times like this I find myself thinking about this fantastic line from Slings and Arrows:  

"My reason may very well be hanging by a thread. Well, my friends, it is my belief that the best stuff happens just before the thread snaps."

Lovely.  Well, lets hope it's true because the thread is wearing thin.